I recently quit my job at a nonprofit in San Francisco in advance of the move that Danielle and I are currently making to Seattle. I have no harsh words to say about this organization's mission; I support the mission, and it's true that many people who otherwise would not have access to some basic human services receive these services. That seems like something good at the end of the day. I did, however, have some problems internally, and one remarkable (to me) thing occurred that I wanted to share. (And, no - I don't believe anybody from the organization will likely be reading this. But, if they did, the truth is the truth, and there's not much I can do about that.)
I had several interactions with a variety of people at the nonprofit that, upon completion, I felt certain could have been handled differently by them. I witnessed interactions between others that had nothing to do with me that, upon completion, I felt certain could have been handled differently by one or both parties. Then, one day, something happened (the incident is unimportant) and I walked back to my office and wrote the word Civility in large letters on my white board, underscoring it three or four times (this was pre-Obama Civility, by the way). An hour or so later, my boss walked by and saw my white board and said to me, "Can you erase that? It makes me uncomfortable." (Yes, emphasis mine, and it should also be noted that the incident in question had nothing to do with my boss.) I indicated that, No, I could not erase it. And there it stayed for approximately two years. Things were added and subtracted around it, of course, but I left Civility in place. And the truth is it was as much a reminder to me as it was a reminder to anybody else.
At any rate, time passed and I gave notice, and I packed up my office and one of the last things I did was to erase my white board, but I left Civility behind. And I said to my very good friend K-Sul, "I wonder how long this will last, why don't you let me know." Nobody was moving into my space for at least a month and, in truth, I was mostly kidding when I said this. But, as it turned out, THE VERY NEXT MORNING Civility was erased. After nearly two years, my chair barely cool, somebody who was made uncomfortable by that one word couldn't act fast enough to get rid of it. I mean with everything else going on in the organization, how could that even surface on somebody's radar and shoot to the top of a To Do list? But why should I be surprised. I choose not to fear words (or art, for that matter, but that's another discussion for another day, though I'm sure the same basics apply), but others are scared shitless - whether they see words as some kind of a threat, or an accusation, or just as, you know, something unpleasant (euw!). Didn't think Civility warranted that, but what do I know? I just try to be nice to people.
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Thanks Mike, your anecdote resonates. At 47:33 into "Art & Copy" [Netflix download] you see a pushpin wall sculpture with the words: "Fail Harder". The message at this institution of creative endeavor is to have courage. Know that failure is part of the game. Baseball batters live it. Words can be terrific touchstones. And quick representatives of concepts and departure points for conversation. The use of -CIVILITY- as a gentle reminder of core values in that social business is spot on. We all must periodically refocus on ideals in the midst of our imperfection. And when I find myself being defensive (or offensive), surely there is an opportunity to be more compassionate to myself and others. Blah blah blah Dalai Lama blah blah blah. On the other hand, in the real world for us mere mortals, the time comes when we feel obliged to draw the line. Personally, I'm never going to do it with a gun or knife. Words and non-violent actions, well there you go, pick your battle. One summer between college years I had a job as a machine operator at a paint factory. After performing admirably for many weeks, even breaking production records, I made the ultimate mistake of overflowing the 35 gallon paint reservoir which fed the machine. Picture lemon yellow paint running down the sides and on the floor. I ate my humble pie got it cleaned up, but in the process decided, why waste the paint and completely painted the parabolic shaped vat yellow. Looked pretty good to me. The next day the boss saw it and commanded it be removed. What? You want me to waste my time and elbow grease on something that could take 8 hours? I took a box cutter and carved two lines about 45deg apart. I then immaculately cleaned and polished to a brilliant metallic shine the designated space. I found some lemon Pledge furniture polish and applied that. Oh the multimedia perfection. I then proceeded to turn in my resignation and walk out the door.
ReplyDeleteWriting the word "Civility" and choosing not to remove it was likely seen as an act of insubordination. It's possible that if this were a corporation and not a nonprofit organization there would have been a discussion in HR and things might have come to a head sooner. This was a stalemate. You disobeyed the boss' orders and she couldn't erase it herself because then she would have looked weak and foolish. It wasn't about the word itself.
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It wasn't the word that was the threat. It was the act of disobeying the boss that was the threat.
ReplyDeleteSteve - There is no doubt the act of disobeying the boss was a serious threat to her. She was/is worried about job security, and she couldn't handle ANYTHING that was a threat to her position. But I also think there was something about that particular word. First, she clearly thought it was directed at her. And, ultimately, it did become about her, to be honest. But, also, as her direct report, I was a threat of a different sort to her job security if the organization decided to "go in another direction". She knew I was well-liked, and on some level Civility symbolized for her the contrast in the way each of us went about our business, and that was a dangerous parallel for her to draw.
ReplyDeleteBryan - I wonder if an artist today,perhaps one who lives in Colorado, might consider re-creating in some fashion that yellow parabolic vat with the wedge cut out.
ReplyDeleteMike - You pose an amusing idea that hadn't occurred to me. I certainly strive for social commentary in my work. Inevitably the message I make, reflects back on who I am in unpredictable ways. That's as it should be. So far I seem to prefer subject matter that is abstracted or generalized. Supports my intentions as well as what random things it might evoke in others. What you propose would be more directly auto-biographical and couldn't have full meaning without some textual explanation. I'll see if I can get around the egotism of it all. If I succeed, what other scenes would I come up with to support a series? Good food for thought. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteCertainly textual explanation could accompany the piece to give it full meaning, a multi-media kind of a thing. Maybe a recorded voice on a loop telling the story. Or the piece could stand on its not fully explained own, a piece of geometric art dealing with colour and texture, say. Moving from the autobiographical into "pure" art, with autobiography the seed. Though i'm not sure where the social commentary might come in here.
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